It appears that I have somehow gotten to 38 weeks pregnant in the blink of an eye. It’s incredible to me how quickly this has gone by. Of course, the first 12 weeks were mind-numbingly slow, with just waiting waiting waiting to get to that safe period. The fear that encompassed me then isn’t something I’ll likely forget any time soon, but I’m thankful that I’m now here with a week and a day left until our little baby is born. Yeah, a week and a day. Little Noelle (Hopefully the baby is still a She!) will be born via repeat c-section on December 13th, 2013. Uh huh, Friday the 13th. The funny thing is, I was so happy to have scheduled a day that when my OB said, “How about the 13th?” I immediately said, “Sounds good to me!” It still didn’t dawn on me that it was Friday the 13th until I walked out of the building and called Paul to say, “Hey! Baby day is the 13th!” Paul replied, “Friday the 13th? Awesome!” I stopped in my tracks and said, “Oh shit.” Of course, he wasn’t worried in the slightest. So, I am attempting to not be worried, either.
Things at home are great, Paul has been making me do stuff that needed to be done (Organize the room, wash/put away all the clothes, get bottles ready), because I think I’ve been in a sort of denial about the recent change to come. I finally packed my hospital bag (sans toiletries because I’m pretty sure I’ll need those things before I go in), with three separate outfits for the baby. One is a brown dachshund fleece footie (Piper’s first doctor appointment ensemble that also was her first blowout, what a great memory, haha), another is a 0-3 fleece footie in case she’s a large baby, and finally, the NB sized fleece footie that Piper also wore home from the hospital. I had a little bit of an issue with this, because I was thinking, “What if Ellie (Noelle/Ellie) is sad that we didn’t put her into something else? What if she hates living in Piper’s hand me downs?” I mean, Piper was LOADED with clothes because she was the first girl in the family in like, forever.
It’s been a little crazy for me to think that A.) We’re going to have a NEWBORN again! Ohmagaaaad. After dealing with a four year old (Oh yeah, Piper turned four 11 days ago), I am so not current to what babies use/need/do/want. Baby led weaning? What? What is happening now? Cloth diapers? What is this about a stump falling off? Then, there is B.) This is my last (intentional, and hopefully ever unless we win the lottery) pregnancy. I’ve enjoyed it immensely, once the panic and fear tapered off a bit. I honestly can’t believe I’m never going to have a son. I’m never going to feel little feet inside my belly, feel little hiccups down low, knowing that’s my baby practicing their breathing. Sometimes I wonder if Paul will ever regret not having a son. I know he has said time and time again that he wanted girls, and always thought he’d have two, so this is kind of a fulfilled prophecy for him, but still, what man wouldn’t want a little mini-me? Not that Paul isn’t just the best dad to a girl, he can do the Princess thing and the My Little Pony thing like no man I’ve ever seen. Doing hair? He tries.
I’m both scared and excited for this next step ahead for us. I am wishing and hoping that Piper will continue to be excited for her sister, and be just as wonderful as she has been so far. I am feeling a sense of loss for her because I am obviously crazy. I just want having a sister to make her life BETTER, not take anything from it. I hope that is what happens. I hope so many things, really. For Noelle to be healthy and come out easily, for Piper to not just accept her in our life permanently but to LOVE her, for our family to thrive in its new form, and lastly, for Paul and I to remain just as happy and in love as we have been. After all, we’ve been together for ten years now. Ten years, and (almost) two kids. It seems unreal, how can it feel like time is washing away while I feel like the same person as before?
This Christmas I will be home with my two girls, wonderful husband, and grumpy dachshund. I have a lot to be thankful for. Please keep us in your prayers that all goes well with the surgery and Noelle’s birth. Thank you.