Paul has started to tell people we’re trying to make a sibling for Piper. That sounds weird. He’s not walking around and saying, “We’re working on a sibling for  Piper”. People are asking him about it, and he’s telling them, even though he said it’s weird because he’s basically telling them we’re having sex. If only he knew the things I talked to my friends about, how little is “TMI” with us these days.

Trying to conceive drops all curtains from what is previously considered “too much information”. When you’re trying, you want ALL information. Your cervical mucus becomes something to mention whenever you’re talking to another who is going through the same thing. It’s almost like your opening line; you state your cycle day, how many days past ovulation you are, and what you are doing (temping/charting/opks etc.). It’s the TTCer’s version of dogs sniffing butts to say hello.
Now that Paul is starting to share this information with people who I tend to see relatively often, I am feeling two different feelings. On one hand it’s good that Paul told them, that way they won’t continue to ask me about it. “When are you going to give Piper a brother or sister?!” There are only so many times you can laugh it off and say, “I know!” or “We’re thinking about it” before you snap and say, “YEAH, WE HAVE BEEN TRYING.” On the other hand, you know that when you tell them you’re “working on it”, they’ll think something is wrong if it doesn’t happen soon. And yeah, who knows, maybe something IS wrong.

I’ve never been one to shy away from broadcasting our troubles.  except from close family like our parents, because it just squicks me out knowing they worry about me conceiving. That’s just weird. I guess I’m a little relieved that Paul was able to tell those friends, so I can go back to just accepting their prayers and their hopes, because I believe that it makes a difference.

My friends know I’ve been avoiding our Mom groups like the plague because I’m all messed up in the head when it comes to pregnancies all around me. They tell me that so many people are hoping for us. Even those who have been waiting longer than I have are pulling for us. What a shitty person I am. I want to say, “NO! KEEP IT! USE IT FOR YOURSELF!!” Then I remember, someone’s hope won’t get me pregnant. :) Unless it’s my hope that Paul and I can get one in before that eggs leaves.

So, instead of worrying,  I will make a list of all the good things about NOT being pregnant this cycle:

I can still ride on the good rides if we go to Disneyland at the end of August.

We could have a May baby next time. Many members in my family are born in May, this is good.

I can start drinking coffee, taking my allergy meds, and drink that champagne I’ve got in the fridge. (I know, “Drink til it’s pink”, but I was trying to give myself every chance this month- from taking pineapple enzyme from 1dpo to 5dpo, baby aspirin {which I have to take anyway for my migraine/stroke issues}, prenatals, no alcohol or meds other than asthma meds, to laying on my back with my butt in the air for 40 minutes, not peeing after sex and doing kegels to move those swimmers up.)

We can get closer to Piper being potty-trained and in a toddler bed. Not that I want to do that AT ALL EVER, but it’s an option that will be better accomplished when she’s a bit older since she’s showing no signs now.

If we conceive at a later date, Paul will be closer to summer break when I’m due, thus giving us more time as a family together.

I won’t be pregnant for the annual BBQ Paul’s aunt throws, therefore I can drink and not worry about it.

I’ll be able to fit behind my steering wheel a little while longer, thus ensuring I get plenty of experience driving so I will be good and ready to go get my own cravings (Paul said it’s only fair, I plan to fight him on this).

I will get to spend more time one on one with Piper before the exhaustion of a pregnancy hits. This might be the best thing.

I can still make it to being due before the hot hot summer begins.

There is still hope for the next cycle, and I knew I did all I could to get us there this cycle, so I can feel good about that.

I’d list all the good things about being pregnant now, but I really don’t need to, do I?