I turn 32 in November. Thirty TWO! I’m not even saying it like that because I’m feeling old. No, it’s disbelief. Somewhere in the last ten years of my life, I became an adult. An actual adult with bills, with a job, with children and a pet to rely on her for such small things as um… SURVIVAL.
I had always thought that once I reached my 30s I’d feel more responsible, more… worldly. Instead, I feel exactly the same, just a little more stressed, a little happier, and definitely more content at my position in life.
I’m happily married, and finally, I don’t have to worry about the man in my life coming home, I don’t have to worry about him meeting someone new, someone more exciting. I don’t have to wait for him to leave the apartment so I can go to the bathroom (not the pee kind). Yeah, I totally did that before. How insane. I guess there are many single, childless friends of ours who would say our marriage is boring, that our lives are nothing but a blur of wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed. And I guess when you look at it from far away, it DOES seem that way. What they wouldn’t see, and wouldn’t know from just standing on the peripheral, is that what makes our marriage and our lives together so dang wonderful are all the small things that hold together the big pieces – like bits of string of a gossamer web of awesome. There is just so much love in our life together, there really is. When I was engaged and planning our wedding, I had MANY attacks of the what-ifs. I was afraid that I didn’t really know what makes a marriage work- from not having much of an example to follow.
I guess in the past eight years of our lives together (Eight on November 1st), we’ve just learned about ourselves, about being ourselves with each other. You know how couples who get together when they’re in high school or just out of high school say they “grow up” with each other? I guess that’s kind of how we’ve lived our lives together. Instead of growing up together, we’ve just kind of grown together. We’ve become the people we wanted to be together. And that’s kind of a happy thing, right? There is never a moment where I resent our life. Never a moment where I wish I was with someone else. It’s incredibly liberating to feel that way, to know that with this man, I have made no mistakes when I chose him.
So I guess that while we don’t have that house with the picket fence and the fridge with the water and ice maker I had dreamed about as a kid, I have all the things that I had WANTED in that picture of my 30 year old life. I have the tall and handsome husband who loves me more than anyone in this entire world (short of our daughter, of course), and I have the small daughter who is silly beyond belief. I have the dog, and my parents close by, and an extended family that never leaves me wondering where I belong.
Even though 9 year old Amber had thought her life would be a little more “complete” by the time she hit 32 (where are my other 1.5 kids, I’m asking you), the parts of my life that are really the building blocks are there, waiting to be built upon.
I’m ready for you, 32. Even if I still eat Kraft Mac and Cheese for dinner after Piper’s asleep. Some things you just never get too old for.