Sometimes the world is just BALLS. I was doing everything I could to be all pregnant and stuff when the time was right. I was temping and charting, taking prenatal vitamins, reading up on preparing for your second child…

Paul and I were constantly talking about Dos, the names we liked, the ways we could make Pipes’ room a room for two. Fun things like that, ya know? We stopped stressing about his school and his work, talked about me being pregnant with his buddy’s wife… And then outside circumstances came into place. And I realized that while we could deal with our own circumstances and concerns, we can’t afford daycare for a newborn and the pricey preschools for Piper, and my mom can’t watch a newborn, and we can’t afford for me to stay home.

This isn’t something we have to just overcome, this isn’t a roadblock, this is a fork in the road. We can either be responsible and put off our second child until we are sure we would have a childcare solution, or be idiots who intentionally got pregnant while knowing full well that it could put their future in jeopardy- it could mean having to quit my job, or losing it if I got pregnant and brought a new baby into the new office.

Sometimes I wish I could be a selfish person who put her own desires ahead of her family’s needs. Then I would be blissfully pregnant again right now, completely screwing over my family. Instead, I’m just watching and waiting, proud that I’m putting my family first, thankful (as always) for my amazing girl, and my great marriage – both of which get better all the time.