Growing up (until 1986 or 1987), I had one grandpa and one grandma. Grandpa passed away in the 80s, while I was still learning how to remember people. Unfortunately, I don’t remember much of him. My grandma is a different story- I have so many incredible memories of her that will last a lifetime. I only wish I could let Paul and Piper into my head so they can see those memories in the vivid colors I remember them in.
Today, Piper has three grandparents: our moms and my dad. She has a great many Aunts and Uncles as well as cousins, but only three real grandparents. Lately I have been wondering how I can “introduce” Piper to Paul’s dad, who passed away in 1998. We have few pictures, no home videos, and not really anything to show her about him.
Paul will have his stories, as will his Aunt and Mother, and we may be able to squeeze some stories from his siblings, but that’s pretty much it. It’s incredibly important to me that Piper knows her grandparents- ALL of them. So how do you go about telling them (when she can understand) about who they’ll never meet in this lifetime?
I try to tell her about him with subtle mentions, like, “Grandpa Pete loved trees” and random things like that, but as someone who didn’t meet him either, I have so little to share.
For those of you who have lost family members: how do you intend to tell your children about them, to make sure they know they are just as important as their living family members?
July 2, 2010 at 10:54 am
This is so hard! When my husband and I have a kid, I want to make sure he or she grows up “knowing” my dad (he passed away 2 years ago), but not sure how we’re gonna do that yet. We do have some video (luckily), lots of photos, and memorabilia. And luckily my husband knew my dad for at least a few years.
July 6, 2010 at 11:04 am
Yeah, you guys are a little better off in the media aspect of it- I guess I just need to ask my MIL for some pictures we can put in her room.
July 7, 2010 at 4:50 am
We don’t have any video of my mom either (kicking myself hard for that one..), but I plan to keep several pictures of her around our home. I might create a photo album with pictures throughout her life so that the future kiddos can see who she was. Just telling stories about your loved one is also a good way for your kids to “meet” them.
July 7, 2010 at 8:11 am
never knew two of four grandparents and hardly knew the two that were still kicking around (mental illness, old age and died when I was still quite young) but I was told many stories about them on and off through the years as my parents talked about them on occasion. My parents never made a conscience effort but I got to know them through my parents own love for them — make sense? For example, my dad would comment, “My Dad would be so surprised to see this. I think of him often.” and that would prompt me to ask more questions and my dad would open up his heart and give more details away about him. I bet that there’s still much to learn about his parents too. Each time my parents come out to visit there’s a good chance I learn a little more about my grandparents. I also treasure holding and seeing things that once belonged to them — a photo album they put together, something written in their handwriting, a recipe book they once loved (sadly my parents didn’t realize this and have chucked a lot of stuff out during their many moves)but you get my drift, I’m sure.
Your children will know your parents and great parents through the love you share for them and the displays you have that hold memories for you.