Ambergontrail – Trying to get through life without dying of dysentery

I can’t resist!

8 Pounds 6.2 ounces

At birth

Her favorite way to sleep

So cute

Sleepy?

Look at that round head

Almost smiling!

She is SO her dad here.

I wanted to see what I had emailed people while in the hospital, so I ventured into my “sent” file and found some emails plus pictures I didn’t remember sending! What a treat!

To Bluebell, Subj: My hospital monitor 11:44pm 11/23

“My hospital monitor”

I have no idea what it all means

To Bluebell, Subj: “So Far” 1:38am 11/24

“So it’s 12:30am, Paul is sleeping and I’m attempting to fall asleep. I’ve got a movie on, but if anything it’s annoying me. I want to sleep but the lights are too bright for me, and that’s with them dimmed! I’ve had some big contractions which take my breath away (OW, just had one), I honestly don’t know how much more I can hold off, each one makes me hot in the face. I try not to make too much noise, since I know Paul will be better during active labor if he can sleep now. It appears his “bed” isn’t too small, and I brought my pillow for him.

I have a book I wish I could focus on. Maybe I’ll attempt to sleep a little. I will keep you updated.”

To Dad, Subj: Image 450054 12:21a 11/24

“Doing well!” (I think Paul took and sent this)

Pain? Yes.

To Dad, Subj: Re: Image 450054 1:55am 11/24

“I’m watching A Christmas Story!”

To Dad, Re: Hi! 4:12pm 11/24

“Hey Dad. Still no baby. Might still be a while. I’m around 4cm now. Sleeping a ton. I watched two movies last night, so I’m movied out.”

To: Bluebell Subj: Image 00116-201 7;25am 11/25

“Bruised nose from my pelvis”

Squish-face

To Dad, Subj: Visiting Hours 8:37am 11/25

“You and mom are both given the time of 9:30am to visit. Then, the next wave of family comes. I want to get it all out of the way earlyish because I’m absolutely exhausted and my belly is sooo sore. You could come back later, just always call first so we can get her settled. We have to meet with the pediatrician and talk to other OBs here today, too.

I am so tiiiiired.”

(We didn’t allow anyone but my parents to visit first, it was only fair- they had never gotten to see their other granddaughter, so they had dibs- Also, they didn’t come until after 11am)

To Bluebell, Subj: Pics 8:03pm 11/27

“Pics”

How carefree

She's new here

I am a wreck!

To Bluebell, Subj: More 8:11pm 11/27

He's so cute, isn't he?

So tiny!

To Bluebell, Subj: Who loves Daddy?! 8:11pm 11/27

“Sigh”

How cozy is this?

To Bluebell, Subj: Re: Hey Momma! 7:58 pm 11/27

“Hey Bluebell, still in pain! Still suuuper tired. Paul has done everything for us. Food is terrible I’m falling asleep as I write these messages to people.”

To Bluebell, Subj: Hey Momma! 10:19pm 11/27

“Hey! Yeah, I’m on percocet, the pain is mostly in the nipples, PJ is a great nurser but her latch is horrible. My stomach staples should come out tomorrow. We also leave tomorrow.

So yeah, the milk came in. My boobs are huuuuge.”

Last email until we came home. How funny is this?

We had a great weekend, the family and I. Paul had a track meet on Saturday that was an all day affair, so Piper and I had a nice day to ourselves. It began early, around 7:30 or so. She ate and we played for a bit, then she started getting sleepy. I fed her again and she took an hour and a half long nap, so I cleaned up our bedroom a bit (the City is doing inspections of our apartment building so I need to have this place spic and span!) and put away my maternity clothes (tear).

When she woke up, I fed her again, and we got ready to head out for a walk around town. We headed to Ross for a check of their discount merchandise, then we went to the Hallmark store for our cards for Grandma and Great Aunt, then she and I went next door to the bagel store and had a blueberry bagel toasted with cream cheese. After that we headed into CVS to get some tylenol for me, and concluded our outing at the Vons to pick up Chex mix (my new addiction), some rolls for lunch, and a small container of snack-sized cream puffs, which (sadly) fit into the cup holder on Piper’s stroller. All in all, we spent three hours walking around town, so I was exhausted when I walked home- I hope I burned off those cream puff calories!.

I decided that she needs to spend more time in her crib, so I moved her positioner in there and put her on it- she was tired. All was going well until I heard her start wailing- she had rolled off her positioner and was wedged between that and the crib rails. Poor baby!

Anyway, Piper ended up skipping her afternoon nap, and just going to bed a tad bit earlier, win-win. Paul and I watched Matt Damon in The Informant (I fell asleep), then went to bed (after setting the DVR to tape Betty White on SNL!).

The next morning, Piper woke at 5:50am, ate and went back down until 9am! Bless the sky above, a morning to sleep in!!

When I came into the kitchen, I was greeted with this:

My two favorite colored roses: yellow and red tipped.

And this:

All homemade!

He even warmed up my Mrs. Butterworth’s! Yes, we have genuine maple syrup, but I love Mrs. Butterworth’s, it’s gross, I know. Along with that, he got me hot fudge, a sweet and salty almond topping, and made me a mocktail of sparkling french lemonade, orange juice and pineapple juice with a hint of gingerale.

I love this man.

After breakfast was another special treat- Piper’s first food!

Here’s a sneak peek of that post:

Mmmmmmmm...

After breakfast, Piper went down for a two hour nap, during which Paul and I watched the DVRed SNL episode and snuggled.  Paul took a nap, and I straightened up the living room, getting our clothes ready for our trip to the Valley to see my aunt and mom.

Piper wore this:

How cute is that dress, right?

We had a nice dinner, and relaxed, got home in time to stop by CVS and pick up ice cream to make sundaes with all the stuff Paul got me for the waffles! Best husband ever. My gift is coming, but he got me three cards- from him, from Piper and from Woofie!

Piper went to bed a little later than usual, which was good, as it gave Paul a chance to hang her new dark brown blackout curtains in her room- cuts down on noise AND light! Screw YOU, fighting raccoon posse! Finally, Paul and I settled down to watch Fox’s Sunday night lineup and then went to bed, where we watched a bit of Holmes on Homes. Best Mother’s Day ever. Well, so far.

Whoops. As I was rocking Piper to sleep I got to thinking (seriously, what else is there to do for a half-an hour with a 16 pound infant in your arms?) about more things I recommend.

1.) The Boppy Noggin. $14.63 from Amazon.com

Not the Cutest...

When I started going back to work, Piper would sleep a lot in her car seat strapped into her stroller. I think it’s because she had to wake up early every day to go to work. So she’d sleep in her stroller any time from an hour to three. Even though her car seat has a newborn head support  (like all infant car seats), I was worried it wasn’t nearly as padded as I wanted. I also worried about her getting a flat head, because she never alternated sides, and always has slept flat on her back. The Boppy Noggin was recommended by a gal on one of my boards, with a set of twin boys. For a time, a ton of us on that board was worried about flat-head syndrome! Since I didn’t want to have to wake her up to place her AGAIN on her back (so it defeats the purpose)  in the pack n play, I bought one and put it in her car seat. It’s perfect. She spends so much time in her car seat daily that I think it was a good thing to get. It can be used in car seats, swings, bouncers and strollers- since it’s not good to have a head flopping around on an unstable neck, you might as well get an insert that is more comfortable AND relieves pressure from the back of the head. Seriously, under $15.00 for it, and we literally use it every day- and no flat head!

2.) Crib Wedge/Positioner $16.25 at Amazon.com

Looks weird, right?

When she was a few weeks old, Piper finally stared sleeping in her bassinet. This is also when she became a congested baby! She was also a bit of a shifter, so we’d find her face pressed into the padding in the bassinet. totally freaked me out. So I decided to get a sleep positioner wedge. The wedge is great for babies with tummy relux and all sorts of ailments.

3.) Baby Bargains Book $17.95 or cheaper.

Most Recent Edition

Every now and then they come up with a new edition, with additions and corrections, and even sometimes marking a company down a grade or something for various things (like excessive recalls). I was a big fan of Bridal Bargains, and when I got pregnant this was my go-to. It has all sorts of information ranging from cribs and strollers to baby leashes and online stores. Get it, it’s great, and saves you money!

First of all, thank you to all who commented on my post from yesterday! I really felt so much love and support, from friends and commenters who came out of lurkdom. I’ll write a follow-up, but first I wanted to come in and do a HAPPY post!

Every mom I have known has a list of must-haves. Of course, as with any adult, babies differ greatly, and may not find something as intriguing as another baby would. So, with that caveat, here are OUR Must-Haves!

1.) Boppy Newborn Lounger $36.29 at Amazon.com.

Comfy, right? I wish they had these for adults!

This was given to us as a registry gift, I had forgotten I even registered for it. When it first came, Piper was in her “DO NOT PUT ME DOWN EVER OR I WILL SCREAM YOUR EARS BLOODY” phase, and it wasn’t really useful. Then, a few weeks later, she sat in it. Reclined, really. Lounged. Kicked back. Stopped screaming and RELAXED. Up to a week or two ago we used it every day, every morning, every evening and every night. Well… until she figured out how to roll over, and we were like, okaaaay, that’s enough. YES, she did roll face first into the couch on it.

2.) Avent Isis Manual Breast Pump (single version, not double) $34.58 at Amazon.com

Avent Isis

Although I’m exclusively breastfeeding and have yet to give Piper a bottle (yes, I know, I know), I looove this breast pump. At home I also have the Medela Pump in Style, and haven’t even used it yet! I used this from day one (well, day one from home)  to alleviate pressure from massive amounts of breast milk. I had a very high supply, more than P could eat. I DID pump and save a bit, but mostly I just used the pump to make it so Piper could fit her mouth around the nipple/areola to feed, too engorged and she could choke. The cup part has soft pads that flex in and out to simulate a real sucking motion on the breast, and didn’t forcefully suck the milk out, this was more like baby’s sucking, totally comfortable, too, and very easy to use! It came with a 4oz bottle to just screw onto the pump. LOVE IT. I brought it to work with me daily for weeks until my supply and Piper’s demand regulated itself.

3.) A Taggie. (or some other type of blanket/lovey thing) $24.99 at Amazon.com

Our savior

This thing is seriously Piper’s best friend. Honestly. I can’t even tell you how many pictures we have with it. It’s like a second head!

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six!

Getting tired of them yet?

Seven

Eight

Nine

TEN

See? See how much she loves it? This is why it’s now referred to as “Her Lovey”. She can’t sleep without it, and just loves sucking on the tags of all different textures. I had read that it’s good for a parent to give their child something, a “lovey” to hold onto so the child doesn’t get attached to the parent, and instead has something to “love on”. We had been given this as a gift from a parent at Paul’s school, and boy oh boy is it great. If you don’t go with a Taggie (although, I do think the tags on it are incredibly fun), a regular little blankie is great.

4.) At least a few bottles, and a small can of formula. My friend Tricia sent me a ton of her bottles since she never used them. I was given many cans of formula from the hospital and some were sent to me from the companies, as well. When I was pregnant, I figured it would be smart to keep these around- JUST IN CASE. I’d hate to have an emergency and not be able to feed Piper because of some stupid reason. Although I was adamant about breastfeeding exclusively, I knew many people who were unable to, and I didn’t want to punish Piper with my stubbornness so I kept all the bottles and formula samples. Luckily, we haven’t had to use them yet- knock on wood. I think every mom to be would be smart to have at least one bottle (like a Playtex Drop-In $21.99 at Amazon) and a can of formula. Let’s face it, while you may totally think that you or hubby can run out to the 24 hour store to pick up formula at 3am, do you really WANT to? Just take the samples you’re given and put them away for that rainy day- hopefully you won’t use it, but why take the chance?

5.) A glider! Mine is by Dutailier and was from Wal-Mart. Mine was $250.00, but it’s on clearance for $200.00!

I almost feel more relaxed

My aunt gave this to me as a gift, after having baby-sat for my cousin’s three sets of twins, my aunt determined THIS was a gift that would get a lot of use, and BOY was she right. Every single day I sit in this chair. I feed her in it and rock her in it. It’s so smooth. In P’s early days, I spent a majority of time there, so I wouldn’t wake Paul up with her crying, since he still had to work. Seriously, WONDERFUL. The arms are just the right height to hold her high enough. Tip: ALWAYS GET PADDED ARMS. Otherwise your forearms will be bruised all to hell.

6.) A membership to Costco (or Sam’s Club). $50.00 for the two of us.

Sigh, love these

Not only do they have great deals on baby clothes (5.99 Carters, anyone?), they also have fantastic baby wipes (and diapers, I’ve heard, but not experienced). I will not skimp on diapers (see next Must-Have), and was buying Huggies Fresh and Natural (or something) wipes, because I thought they were plush, which must feel nice. We were given a box of the Kirkland wipes, and I. LOVE. THEM. $27.99 for a box of nine individual packs of 100 wipes. They’re easy to take with you, and soo soft. They aren’t too wet (ahem, PAMPERS) and they aren’t really expensive. There is no overwhelming scent, either. Seriously, love them. We also go to Costco to get bulk snacks for quick on the go food, things like fruit leathers and granola bars.

7.) Diapers.com Not only do you get 10% off your first order of anything, but they have free shipping if over $49.00 of merchandise! Their shipping is no joke, I have gotten things the next day after ordering at 3pm the day before. Fantastic. Their deals aren’t spectacular, but they do give out some email coupons here and there, and usually most are at least the same price as Babies R Us, if not cheaper. The smart thing to do, when not in newborn sizes, is to buy a CASE of diapers. If you buy a Jumbo pack at $9.99 for 36 size 2 diapers it equals roughly $0.28 per diaper. If you buy a case of the same size/brand of 184 size 2 diapers at $40.49 it equals $0.22 per diaper! I know $.06 doesn’t sound like like a lot, but $9.00 a month (at the least, five diapers a day for 30 days) is three Starbucks grande hot chocolates! If your baby is  like Piper, and has been in a size 2 diaper for months, then it makes sense to buy a bigger case, thus equaling less trips or less orders to place, less tax on two different items… Less running out at midnight to get emergency diapers. I truly think it’s foolish to get a small pack for more money when you could get  more diapers for less. It’s science! If you find a better deal online, too, Diapers.com can match it, so it’s a win-win.  If you sign up, please use me as a referral! The referral code is: AMBE3220 . I get rewards for every person I refer, to lay my cards on the table. Now, even if you don’t use me as a referral, sign up, it’s great.

Anyway, those are all I can think of now, can you think of anything Mommies must have?

Hope you enjoyed it!

Last night, while attempting to pick up around the house while Piper was napping, I realized something: in trying to be a good mother, I’m failing as a wife.

Now, I’m not saying this to have people say it’s not true, because it is. I’m not fishing for compliments, honestly. I just feel the need to tell people, so they can feel not so alone.

I do everything I can for Piper, feed her, clean her (well, Paul does that, but I hold her up so he can wash her tush), put her to bed, entertain her… Paul? He’s on his own. I don’t feed him anymore. I used to make his lunches every morning, and make dinner at least 3 nights out of the week. I used to do laundry, until my belly got so big I couldn’t carry the baskets down.

I feel so inadequate as a wife. Just when I started getting the Mom thing down, I realized I am unable to take care of the three of us. It’s hard to describe how this makes me feel. Sometimes I wish that Paul could have found someone who could handle taking care of him as well as a baby. Sometimes I wish I could be reprogrammed, so I could get my shit together, and not be so damn unorganized.

Daily, I forget something. I forget a draft at work, which makes us bounce other drafts. Sometimes I forget Piper’s bjorn, and have to lug her stroller out to get lunch. Other times I forget to eat, or to shower. I wasn’t like this before Piper, I mean, I was slightly forgetful, but I had all the priorities arranged. Now there is one priority- Piper.

Now, I know it’s common to focus on your child, hoping to meet every need and assure that she’s thriving. What about your marriage?

I don’t make dinner anymore. In fact, it’s such a random occurrence that Paul praises me grandly if I make something simple, like a casserole. The sad thing is, I crave this praise. I fish for it, asking him, “Did I do a good job?” I’m ashamed of myself. Before, I would have just brushed off his praise, because I’m doing my job- being a wife and feeding her husband. I’d have the laundry done, maybe not folded, but Paul would have clean underwear.

Now, he does the laundry. He comes home from work exhausted, and has to gather up his clothes and make a run for the washer and dryer downstairs. When he asks me to fold it, I feel put out and huff all the way to the basket. Again, I’m ashamed.

A few nights Paul has had cup o noodles for dinner. I want to cry just writing this. I may not have been raised by two parents in love, but I always had a home-made dinner at night. There are no words for how badly I feel. He has no breakfast, no lunch, dinner is hastily thrown together or has to be scavenged while I rock with our daughter. I feel like I have thrown him to the wolves.

Paul would never, ever, say anything bad about my job as a wife, but I know in my heart, I have failed him.