Or so I think. Yesterday was our 36 week appointment with her. Starting next week, we go weekly. Yikes.
Now, I didn’t have that great of a relationship with my previous OB, who has left on maternity leave. We weren’t buddy buddy, but I could talk to her, ask her the stupid questions I had, and we never ever felt rushed. Her nurse is fantastic, too. The current OB is terse, brisk, and always makes us wait for a very long time.
Take yesterday, for example. I was scheduled to have my Group B Strep swab done, so I was told to undress from the waist down and get on the table. I was on that table, half naked for going on 15 minutes until the OB walked in. As per her usual m/o, she said she was going to check for the heartbeat, then measure. All quickly and efficiently. When she looked around for the doppler, she couldn’t find it. Since I had since risen to a sitting position, my butt was literally pointing out towards the door. She left my butt literally out in the wind as she looked for a doppler outside.
Once the heartbeat was heard (ten seconds max), and my fundus was measured (no remark, but a definite face was made, good or bad? WHAT THE HELL?), she told me to scoot down to the edge of the table for my GBS test. After a terse “I’m touching you” (really? I thought I was crowning! eyeroll), I felt a terrible scraping inside me, followed by a not-as-bad swabbing of my anus (all part of the test, isn’t it fantastic?). I have to tell you, the vaginal swab was the most painful vaginal exam/procedure I have ever had. Compared to it, a pap smear was like… getting a neck massage. It felt like she took one of those gelato spoons and raked me. I jumped and tensed up, even said “Ow”. All to which I got no reply. Not even a cursory, “Loosen up, it’s almost over”.
She then mentioned their having the H1N1 shots in, and that she’ll send the nurse in to give me one. “Just put on your pants and she’ll come in.” That was it. I felt like I had been violated. My vagina felt scraped and I was still all tense. I don’t know why, but it seems like she really resents us. Either for adding on to her caseload, or just plain resentment at getting someone else’s patient, I don’t know- I just know I miss MY OB and MY nurse, Monica.
I’ve never ever felt so unwanted before. She smiles, but it’s a bit vague, like she’s just trying to get through this. Believe me, lady, I would rather be with someone else, too.
As I was reading my book “The Big Book of Birth” by Erica Lyons (it’s great, really), I got a shock. What if my old OB can’t come back in time to deliver me? What if I’m stuck with Dr. Claw and her facade of friendliness? Even more, how am I expected to labor easily and stress free if she was there, ever so slightly rushing me on so she can be “done” with me? If I/we feel like a hassle in our routine appointments, what’s to say she’s going to be any better when I’m in intense pain, and weakening to the idea of an epidural, when I really hoped for a natural birth? I am tense just waiting for her, just anticipating another cold visit. There is no way I can be at ease with her delivering me.
The more I thought about it, the more I worried. I sent my friend Tricia a text, “Just HOW bad is labor pain?” When she replied, I felt the need to fill her in on the recent happenings, and why this was occurring to me now. I can’t take intense pain, I pass out. What if she takes advantage of this and orders an unnecessary c-section? Tricia told me two things; 1.) it’s VERY, VERY important for Paul to be strong when I can not be. Fill out my birth plan and make sure he knows EXACTLY what I want. If I’m unable to tell the doctors that I’d prefer to labor a while longer, make sure he IS able to tell them. and 2.) if it comes down to it, to call her, and she’ll coach me via phone. It was knowing I have such fantastic friends that would do this for me, that has helped me a bit. Sure, I’m still worried, but at least now I know- this labor is about US. About me, about Piper, about Paul. We have a say in it. If I need to talk to my friends while I’m in intense pain, I will, damnit.
Another lesson learned: not every doctor in a practice is the same. Same for every nurse and ultrasound technician. Unfortunately for me, the one I had chosen was pregnant (totally wasn’t told this, by the way), and the one who took her place was Satan.
