On this date (the 22nd) next month I will hit my due date. Whether or not I will actually still be pregnant or not remains to be seen, but still… The date exists as a date of major focus for the last 30 or so weeks.
I am having a baby. The little thing that has been kicking me so forcefully will be out, susceptible to all the ills and joy the cold world out here has in store for her. I can tell you now that I know for a fact that I will miss her inside of me, but I also know it will be time to share her with others, since I have hogged her long enough.
In a month’s time I will be a mother (shhhhhh, no talk of early labor today, please). In a month’s time Paul will get to hold the little half-him being that we have bonded with (and over) lo these many months. When people tell you in the beginning that it all goes by so fast, you want to tell them to shut it. Nausea and fatigue has a way of making your life drag, I know. Now, I know what they mean.
Again and again I have proclaimed my unpreparedness. Some Girl Scout I turned out to be! Still, I hold firm, I am not ready for the responsibilty, but give me time, I am capable and it will come to me.
The main thing is, no matter where or how you labor and birth, with every baby we grow and nuture, we are starting anew.
