Ambergontrail – Trying to get through life without dying of dysentery

I think the baby has moved. Before I’d feel her butt pushing out beside my belly button (alternating sides). Now, I’m feeling that butt pushing out, but it’s accompanied by pushing on the far side of my belly as well. It feels like she’s shifted from head down position to transverse.

Now, usually babies begin to “get into place” starting at 32 weeks, so we’ll see if she shifts. Not even considering how I’d go about the birth if she was to stay in transverse position, it’s REALLY painful! She’s sticking her feet out on one side of me, and pushing her hands on the other side of me, usually at the exact same time. I must admit, at first it was entertaining, now it’s downright painful.

We have our 32 week appointment tomorrow, and we’ll see how she’s faring in there.

How far along? 31w4d!!
Total weight gain/loss: No idea, lack of a scale.
Maternity clothes? Just bought what I hope are my last set- a nice top and jeans.
Stretch marks? Unfortunately..
Sleep: Minus the pee breaks (of which I’m usually half-asleep anyway), pretty darn good.
Best moment this week: She kicked back when I pushed her butt.
Movement: Always, choosing whichever side she feels like! When she gets behind the belly button, it kills.
Food cravings: Peaches
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? It’s still holding on!
What I miss: Having toes that aren’t sausages.
What I am looking forward to: My shower in a few weeks
Weekly Wisdom/ Snide Comments: “Do you have two in there? No? Well, at least you know it’s going to be healthy”
Milestones: I don’t even know, 32 weeks is coming up!!

Now, the pics. You can tell me if I really appear to be carrying two!

She's something, my belly

Can you believe that’s a maternity shirt? For who??

Now, uncovered in all its glory.

Doesn't it look painful?

Wow, I have no butt.

Yesterday I experienced a new sensation when I got home. My feet were jiggling. JIGGLING. I’d take a step, and my foot would quake as if it were jello, or pudding. Is this that blasted swelling I was reading about, but not quite suffering from? If so, DAMN!

At first I was slightly entertained by my feet o’plenty. Then I went to Payless to check out some cute flats my friend had turned me onto. First of all, I had to try on sizes ranging from 6.5 to 7.5- wide and normal sizes. I had a choice: 6.5 wide, or 7.5 normal. I chose the 6.5. As I was trying them on, I noticed something- my freaking ankle bone has disappeared.  I thought it was just because I was looking at my “bad” ankle- the one I had sprained ten or so years ago, and then re-sprained pretty badly last year, since it’s pretty ugly. I decided to look at the shoe on my “cuter” foot… nope. It seems the puffy foot goblin had visited me in the night to celebrate my making it to another weeks gestation. FANTASTIC.

So now I sit, feet wobbling in their skin, ankles disappearing back into the folds that used to be my slim looking foot, no mercy in sight. How do I bring down the swelling?

Well, I guess it could be worse- Paul’s mom grew an inch TALLER and a shoe size when she was pregnant with him. And the was on BED REST!

This morning, for the first (real) time, I felt sad about losing our current routine. It’s funny, about 99% of the time I’m thrilled about the baby and excited about the future and what is to come- the other 1% is fear of not having everything done/planned out.

Perhaps it was the fact that yesterday was the last day of summer, which means I’m officially in the season of which I’ll be giving birth. Maybe it was that it’ll now be getting darker earlier, a definite change in season… Or it could be I’m just very attached to my husband today, and I’m a little melancholy about losing that connection to a different, new connection.

It’s funny because I keep thinking about how behind we are, how I should really get things moving… but we have no spare time. This weekend is a big tournament weekend out in the valley, two full and one half days of football and searing heat. Soooo, when am I going to set up the rest of her closet, when are we going to finish clearing out the room (including that gigantic dresser we need to hack into pieces to remove), and finish spot painting the areas that need touch ups? It seems like the faster time flies the more I need to do.

Today, in Starbucks (getting a hot chocolate), one of the people working rubbed my belly and asked me when my due date was, again. I told her, and she said, “You’re going to go early, is this your first?” Yes, this is my first… waaaait. SERIOUSLY? I’m going to go early?? DO NOT TELL A FIRST TIME MOTHER SHE WILL GO EARLY. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Somehow I got to be really pregnant. Yesterday I took a solo trip to the mall, to finally pick up a pair of maternity jeans. The last time I stepped foot in Motherhood Maternity I was about 13/14 weeks along and had nothing to show for it. This time, after walking through the doors, the sales associate said, “Welcome, All Belly!” Looking around me, I gathered she was talking to ME. All belly? Really? Funny enough, I had heard that a lot the previous day while getting sunburned (DESPITE the SPF 60 I had slathered on) watching Paul’s team play football. A bunch of the parents haven’t seen me all summer, and my belly was quite a shock! Then again, a few of the parents had no idea I was even pregnant, so the belly came as an even bigger shock to them!

Apparently, I really am just pure baby. If you don’t count the swollen ankles. Oooor the cellulite dappling my thighs. Ooooor the teensy amount of arm wiggle I have. WHICH, I’d like to know came from WHERE now? Cripes! Anyway, I’ve been noticing people’s glances around me. Some are pity, some are glee, others are confused (from a few preggos, probably wondering if they’ll expand to such gargantuan proportions soon). It really seems like people love to see pregnant women, what with us propagating the species and all.

Yesterday my first stop was Bath and Body works, not because I was short on lotions and sprays, but because I wanted something that smelled good (note to self: ask if you can bring scented candles into the hospital). When I walked in, two sales girls welcomed me and said to each other, “Oooooh! How cute!!” As I ventured further into the store where I was looking at those wall plug in things to de-stink Paul’s bathroom, I again was asked if I needed anything (this time by two different gals). I said I was doing well, but thank you. The sales girl said, “Oh, and congratulations!” That made the other girl go, “Do you know what you’re having?” When I said yes, a girl, she held her hands to her tummy and said, “We’re having a boy!” Of course, that started a super long talk about babies, and nurseries, and food…

My nest stop was at Motherhood Maternity, where I vowed to try on jeans. Having short legs, I really wasn’t expecting to find some, but I did! As I was trying them on with the various other tops and dresses I had chosen, I realized something with a shock- I was the most pregnant person in there. While standing beside a tiny pregnant lady (I was looking at the nursing bras) and her husband, who were trying to find a doppler to buy, the wife asked, “Do you think we’re being suckers?” She laughed and looked over at me, and I smiled. I wanted to say, “YES! Don’t worry about it though, because we’re ALL suckers for the first kid, really. It’s part of this experience!”

As it happened, i tried on the jeans, and found they actually fit! So I came out of the dressing room, put a shirt on over them and gaped. I’m HUGE. Perhaps I should shy away from stripes, though, eh? As it was, I put the striped shirt back (as well as a few more), and bought the jeans and a different blouse. I vowed to myself that I would buy no more maternity clothes, from now on I am buying baby stuff only.

After I finished shopping (and window shopping- Baby Gap is SO CUTE!), I wandered over to the Food Court and bought myself two cheese on a sticks and a large cherry lemonade. I kind of wish I had a stuffed slice of pizza instead, though. Since I hate eating alone, I quickly scarfed my food down, walked to Sees Candy and headed home, exhausted but happy.

How far along? 30 weeks, 5 days as of the picture. 30w6d today.
Total weight gain/loss: Gained four pounds in two weeks. Total to date is 11lbs.
Maternity clothes? I’m about to start sewing them together because they’re getting short!
Stretch marks? Above my belly button, yes.
Sleep: Since Doc told me to dump the Tums and to go on Pepcid, it’s been GOBS better. No more middle of the night wakeups (aside from the whiz breaks).
Best moment this week: She loves her daddy and responds to him constantly.
Movement: Constantly, mostly on the right side.
Food cravings: Frozen grapes.
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? The hole is quickly closing.
What I miss: Being able to turn over quickly.
What I am looking forward to: Finishing her room.
Weekly Wisdom/ Snide Comments: Start your freezer supply early, keep dinners ready to go!
Milestones: We are almost into single digit weeks left in this pregnancy. OH MY GOD.

Now, the pics!

She's getting bigger!

Now, the uncovered. Avert your eyes!

That's a skirt I'm wearing underneath.

It seems Piper has learned a new trick, at a mere 30 weeks of gestation. I’m so proud. She’s obviously going to be gifted, right? What’s that? You want to hear the trick? Okay, here it is:

She can recognize her Daddy from inside the womb. Yep. GENIUS, right? Lately, when I silently go stand beside Paul, he’ll put his hand on my belly. Where ever she is, she’ll move to be beneath it, and kick it. He’ll move his hand, she’ll also move. At night, laying in bed, he’ll roll over to kiss my belly, she’ll give him a kick. In the mornings, when I waddle out, bleary eyed, Paul will again rub my belly, while I know for a fact she was sleeping, she’ll thump him. He’ll put his mouth to her movements and say, “Hello, it’s Daddy! Who is my little baby?” Piper will hear this and jostle around for a bit, waking up to the sound of Daddy’s voice.

It’s like she knows she’s hearing her future protector, and the person (other than Mommy) who will love her forever unconditionally. I think she’s starting to recognize her family!

“If I tell you something, do you promise not to freak out?” Sure, I said, in response to Paul’s question. Meanwhile, all sorts of things were running through my head, “Oh my god, he lost his job. Oh god, he got in an accident. OH MY GOD, what is it??”

Then I heard the words that made my asthmatic heart drop: “A kid was sent home with swine flu. “  Ooookay. So. Now. Um. Yeah. “Wash your hands?”

When he got back home (he had called me on the way home from the canceled Back to School night), he said I looked nervous. What? Nervous? Naaaah. Okay, yeah, I was nervous. According to some article I read, 6% of swine flu deaths were pregnant women. And pregnant women only make up 1% of the general population. Having asthma that almost killed me in past flu sicknesses, when I was NOT pregnant, I’m worried.

Yesterday was our last appointment with our OB before she delivers me (I hope), and I brought up the vaccine, just to see what her opinion was. She said she wants me to get it if it comes in in time. Not only to protect me, but to also protect the baby. Okay. Then she mentioned me getting a flu shot that day. DAMN! So here I sit, arm a throbbin’.

So the swine flu has hit our small town. Lucky me, to be in contact with it.

A.) I wonder if it angers the baby when I slap a beat on my upper stomach, the part that is still not completely filled with baby-goodness. It makes a really cool sound, seriously- like a bongo but fleshy.

B.) Why must my boss tell me about her bladder surgery? Then follow that with, “it’s because I had two vaginal births, it made my bladder loosen.” JESUS, lady! I don’t need to know that, mere months from giving birth. YOUR BLADDER CAN FALL??

C.) My other boss insists on using my phone to make all long distance phone calls. Meaning calls that are and aren’t in state.  When he does this, and my line gets a call, it gets routed to another phone line in another office. Then I have to run to answer it. He also is SICK. And despite my strategic placement of Purell, he REFUSES TO GET HIS SICK ASS OFF MY PHONE. “It’s allergies”, he says. Allergies my ass.

D.)  I wonder what the baby is doing when she moves all slow-motiony. It’s like she’s a sloth in there, running for her life.

E.) I really think armpits are the most disgusting thing ever. I don’t care if they’re clean, dirty, hairy, smooth… They’re gross and I don’t like to see them (BEYONCE) or talk about them.

F.) I should probably start telling the bosses about my doctor’s appointments a little sooner than the day before. I have an appointment on Thursday at 2:45, and will not be coming back, I always feel bad, even though it’s usually dead here then.

G.) Just when I think the baby is choosing one side over another, she decides to bring her tent, sleeping bag and camp stove over to the other side. I can feel her poking out of my right side and it’s WEIRD.

H.) Underwear is a joke. I hate wearing it, know I HAVE to, but really wish I could avoid it. I want nothing more than to crawl into a nice flannel night gown, but it seems that plus the 80 degree heat may cause me to implode.

I.) Paul has to help me tie my shoes. Yesterday I hopped up on the bed (not as smoothly as it sounds, I’m afraid) and managed to cram my feet into the shoes (while loosening every lace in there). Finally, exhausted, I just sat there. Sadly moping about my fat, untied shoes. Paul walked in to find me kicking my feet, laces flying. He smiled, tied the shoes and kissed my belly. Now that’s love for you.

J.) Frozen grapes are the delish fruit of heaven.Green grapes only.

K.) Seriously, this heartburn is the freaking worst. I had acid reflux pre-preg, but not after every drink, snack, meal and dessert. I am really starting to hate the taste of tums. REALLY.

L.) I have a massive addiction. To Paul. It’s been almost six years together and I would still rather spend every last minute, second, millisecond with him. Above all other people. Forever and ever. I don’t think it’s possible to love him any more, because if I did, they would have to call it something other than “love”.

Well, that’s all that’s been rambling around my brain lately. Got anything you want to share?

I have a secret… I am a picture of loveliness. The pants I wore on Sunday for a quick trip to IHOP no longer fit. How is this possible? A.) They are YOGA pants, built with elastic. B.) They literally JUST fit the day before. C.) THEY ARE ELASTIC. Nope, now I can’t wear them without my belly hurting. I tried pulling them way up, like Grandpa Simpson- nope. Still uber snug and cutting into my bulbous tum. Then I tried pulling them lower, beneath my belly. Yeah, apparently it was bothering her, as evidenced by the sharp kicks to my ribs. If there is one thing I can tell from this baby and her positioning (her head is down by my pelvis), she does NOT like constricting elastic of underpants and yoga pants inhibiting her from doing her headstands.

What did I do to alleviate the misery, you ask? Well, I took that waistband and cut a notch in it with scissors. Then, I took each side of my pants and hooked them over the arm rests of my chair- kind of like a gigantic sling shot. I then used my hands to stretch the material out, hearing a massive tearing sound. For the rest of the day, my pants felt like they were constantly falling down, but still TOO TIGHT.

Seriously, I can outgrow a pair of pants in ONE DAY??

In other “sexy Amber” news: we had a friend over last night. While I was picking up and getting dinner ready, I felt a wet spot. I LEAKED THROUGH MY DRESS. Not “down there” leakage, but boob leakage. It’s seeming to be a real touch n’ go situation there. One night I got up to get my tums out of my bag and as I was bending over, holding the flashlight between the crook of my neck and my shoulder so I could forage through my purse with both hands,  I heard something drip down onto the floor tile beside my foot. I heard another drip. I FELT something trail down my forearm. I looked, and not only was I leaking, I was dripping down my arm. WHAT THE HELL. It’s kind of worrying, to be honest.

I guess all I can do is keep stuff tucked inside so the inside leak doesn’t transition to Amber’s Great Boobs a’ Poppin. It’s really embarrassing. Add to that my recent inability to brush my teeth without gagging, the stretch marks rocketing across my belly and the little hairs on my stomach and boy, Paul is a lucky boy.