In my life I’ve had a lot of friends. I’ve had mean friends, nice friends, stingy friends, generous friends, friends who are older and friends who are younger. I’ve had friends who I’ve known my whole life, and friends who I haven’t even met in person- YET.
It seems to me that sometimes you just meet someone (be it online, in person, through letters) that strikes you as someone you could get to know better. Someone you know you’d have fun with. I have a few of those friends, and I’m so glad I do.
As most of you know it took us a long time to get pregnant. In that time I had friends get pregnant unexpectedly (who are fantastic parents, by the way), friends get married (or remarried, in some cases), friends move away and friends drift away. I’ve been lucky. I’ve been supported over the last couple of years by friends I have never met- they supported me more than friends I’ve known my whole life.
Perhaps it’s the anonymity of the blogging and IMing and text messages, but these friends I’ve never met know more about me and my life than my friends in real life. I’ve been invited to their weddings, they’ve been invited to mine. I’ve seen their birth announcements, and their save the dates, I’ve witnessed from afar their engagements and taken sides in marital spats. We’ve helped each other choose outfits for occasions, and helped boost each other up when feeling down.
Sometimes, though, you just feel so helpless, not being a nearby friend of theirs. You can’t help them with a problem that is causing them pain, you can’t be like a real life friend to them. They’re having trouble with their daughter, and need a break, but you can’t run over there to help. They’ve been hurt by a comment of a friend- all you can give are words. Sometimes you wonder if it’s normal to be so sad for someone you’ve never met. Then you think about it, and realize a friend is a friend- despite the distance and that slight fact that you’ve never actually seen her in person. Tiny detail, yeah?
The friends I have never met mean a lot to me, maybe this is odd to some people. All I know is that they have been there for me in the last few years- one of them going on 4 years now. Although I may have started as the “weird internet friend”, I hope I’ve grown to be a real friend, because after all, should I ever be in your neck of the woods, ladies, you’ve got yourself a gatecrasher.
Still, at the moment, I feel quite useless. I can’t hug them or cry with them, I can’t help them choose paint colors or move their furniture, and I can’t say anything other than, “I’m sorry” or “I understand” or even “Hold on, I’m coming over, and I’ll have lasagna with me.”
For you, I’m sorry and I don’t understand. There isn’t a gift to send, a book to lend or a joke to tell that can rival the actual act of being there. For once, I am completely and utterly speechless.
