Ambergontrail – Trying to get through life without dying of dysentery

I think I’m lucky. I’m one of those women who LOVE to be pregnant. I have heartburn and sore hips, an itchy belly,  random hairs springing up all over the place (hm, perhaps it’s PAUL who should be wary of these changes), the sciatica so bad you can’t even know the pain. Still, every morning I wake up, stroke the pointy strangeness that is my new belly and grin.

I’ve been told pregnancy agrees with me. In fact, I agree with pregnancy. I’m happy, I’m delighted, I’m creating a life. Sure, sometimes she boots me in my cervix, or seemingly stands on my bladder, which causes both pain and a moment of quick worry about peeing myself- which is not good at work.

During the day, while hunched over the mess that is my keyboard (lots of eating goes on above this sucker), she’s there, just pounding away on my uterus, letting me know she’s here and that she’s quite enjoying the lemonade I shared with her. During my many pee breaks, I sneak into the bathroom, pull my shirt up (not all the way, this ain’t Mardi Gras) and marvel at what I’m blooming into. I can’t get enough of this feeling, the strong muscles surrounding the precious cargo I am carrying, the thumps I can feel from the outside when she kicks. It’s both common and a miracle- and I’m doing it.

I don’t quite have the glow, but I have the bliss. Finally, after nearly a year of watching others get pregnant and give birth, seeing the rounding of their bellies while mine continued to be empty and cold (and yet, still round), I began to feel as if it would never happen. It has happened, I’ve gotten here. I’m becoming what I wanted for so long- a mother to be.

As painful and uncomfortable those little jabs and thumps can be, every time I feel one knocking me from inside I want to put my hand in my pants and cheer. Since I would rather NOT be arrested, instead I wait until I get home, spread myself on the couch and tuck my hand in my pants. If you’re calling me and I sound muffled, it’s because I’m hands free- one hand keeping me from falling over and the other chasing her around my uterus.

I love being pregnant. I love being responsible for another being’s life force, feeding her the good things; the sweet, the spicy, the tart. I know she loves lemonade and KROQ, when Daddy’s hand is on my belly she calms down. When my hand is on my belly she runs from it. I wonder if that’s a sign of a Daddy’s girl? I am blessed, and want to thank the stars for finally deeming me worthy of her- I guess on the waiting list of Mommyhood, waiting a year isn’t so bad.  This is the baby I was meant to have- perhaps I would have been less gracious should I have received her by accident, or right away. Perhaps not, though- who can really tell?

All I know is that I love where I am right now. This is where I was meant to be.

I swear, each week the pics get later and later. Sorry guys!

How far along? 23 weeks and four days
Total weight gain/loss: Not sure, still refuse to buy a scale.
Maternity clothes? Absolutely
Stretch marks? One stretch mark from earlier seems to be stretching a little higher.
Sleep: Great in the early afternoon, at bedtime not as good.
Best moment this week: The baby got hiccups!
Movement: All throughout the day- especially at night, she wakes up at 9pm!
Food cravings: Ice cream sandwiches and good french fries!
Gender: Hopefully still a baby girl.
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? Quickly shallowing.
What I miss: Eating chocolate without getting heartburn. Having a bra that fits.
What I am looking forward to: Registering and getting the room ready.
Weekly Wisdom/ Snide Comments: Nothing this week, I don’t think.
Milestones: Baby’s first hiccups!

Now, the pics.

That turquoise top I mentioned

A little bit closer.

Super close shot, belly is sloping here

And, the glory shot- naked belly!!

Hello there, belly.

Although I wasn’t much of a fashion maven pre-pregnancy, at least I knew how to match what I was wearing. Now, when I wake in the morning, I hit snooze and fall back to sleep. Unfortunately, this makes me a little late, so I skip my before work breakfast and grab something when a co-worker gets in and allows me to step out for a second. Since I’m usually late, I grab a pair of pants that still fit, and a shirt that still fits. This doesn’t always make for an attractive outfit, considering my pants are all loose yoga gouchos in various colors, and maternity leggings that highlight my chicken legs and bulbous belly.

Take yesterday’s ensemble for instance. After hitting my snooze so many times I had to jolt out of bed (to head instantly to the bathroom)  to get ready quickly.  I grabbed three items from my bin of clothes: my navy blue gouchos, a dark brown semi-fitted top, and a gigantic pair of underwear. I was already wearing my gigantic bra. When I put that classy getup on, I realized I didn’t match. It wasn’t even that mis-matched but still cute look. Despite having both brown AND navy flip flops, I threw all caution to the wind and slipped on some plain black flip flops. Yes, you’re correct in remembering that I had not one stitch of black on.

Once I twisted my hair back into an undone semi-bun, I spritzed some perfume and waddled out the door. It wasn’t until I got to work that I realized that I didn’t match, and wasn’t cute. Did that stop me from going to get a burrito for lunch? Nope. Did seeing that bleach stain on my belly deter me from wearing the shirt out after work to a market? Nope.

Today I’m wearing the same kind of outfit, just backwards. Tight brown leggings, loose turquoise preggo top, navy flip flops. Oh yeah, I still have those brown ones that I don’t wear. Somehow, I think my top shrunk- it’s tighter up top and it seems shorter now, too.  Very fun, trying to decide what can fit and what can’t.

I gotta tell ya, preggos- nothing like having your underbelly stick to your thighs while you’re wearing a dress and sitting down.

When you’re young and overwhelmed with sex-ed classes, you seem to think that forgoing any sort of birth control means instant pregnancy- the end of your life. From what I’ve seen in the media and the news, perhaps young girls ARE more able to get pregnant this way, I sure as hell know just forgetting birth control did NOT work for us, nor a large handful of friends of ours.

So, after a few months of throwing caution to the wind and letting nature do its thing didn’t result in a baby, I started temping and charting. These two aren’t really mutually exclusive, they pretty much go hand in hand. In the morning, I’d take my temperature with a basal body thermometer. It is imperative you take your temp at the same time every morning without fail- sure you can be 5-10 minutes late/early, and it wouldn’t be a sin, but the point of the practice is to get into a schedule. I’d temp every morning at 6:10am. Yes, even on weekends. It was a pain, but it helped to see a pattern.

Once I took my temp every morning, I’d either get up (if it was a work day) or go back to sleep. Some thermometers beep every few seconds to let you know it’s working, which works for some. Not me! The beeping would wake Paul up, so I’d try to get under the covers and do my temping all stealthy. You can do your temping vaginally or orally- just keep consistent. The whole point to temping is to learn your body’s pattern. How? Well, after taking your temp each day, you take note of the temp. Then you either use a calendar or an online site to keep track of your temps and symptoms (I used www.fertilityfriend.com) such as breast tenderness, nausea, back ache, you get it. As time progresses, you begin to see the pattern. I believe I posted my chart in April or May. Temping allowed me to see that my temperature rose when getting to my ovulation day. Once I ovulated, my temp would get higher for three days, which is kind of proof you ovulated. Fertility Friend really helped pinpoint o-date once I entered my temps. When I got pregnant, my temp kept rising, and didn’t have the textbook drop that occurs before your period arrived (whch is actually a really helpful thing to know). Once you start to see your pattern (i.e. ovulation typically occurs on the 15th/16th day of my cycle; my luteal phase (the days between ovulation and your next period or beginning of the next cycle), it makes trying to conceive so much easier.

Once you can pinpoint around the time you ovulate, this makes it easier to use ovulation sticks. Ovulation sticks (or ovulation KITS) are basically sticks like the old school thermometer you’d have to use at elementary school- at least shaped that way. It’s a dipstick type of test and seriously my favorite tool of trying to conceive. How this works is easy. You pee in a cup (not first thing in the morning, many sites recommend you wait until the early afternoon- I’d do it in the early evening), dip the test strip, and set it flat on the counter. I’d wait a bit and check the strip for two lines, much like a pregnancy test. One line is a test line, the other is the line that shows if you have luteinizing hormones, which show up when an egg is released. If the non-test line is darker than the test line- not the same color, not lighter- then you are ovulating. Hooray! This method helps because the temping can only tell you that you ALREADY ovulated. This helps you know your basic schedule so you can begin the sexfest- or, like us, squeeze in one “meeting” while in the process of moving. Gotta tell you, from talking to other ladies while TTC, quite a few of us were one hit wonders- some even getting pregnant while not on their usual ovulating schedule. A lot of women started with the every day/sometimes twice  day for two weeks (I cower just thinking about it), which actually seems to thin out the swimmers, with no real time for replenishing the “guys”. A lot of folks start the every other day method after that, because it’ s exhausting. It’s really up to you, there are success stories for every method!

So, using all these tricks, I finally got myself in the family way.

Last night, in a panic reminiscent of my early preggo days (peeing on sticks here and there), I put the DVD of our last ultrasound on tv. Why all the panic, you ask? Well, yesterday in my preggo group, a gal due a mere 10 days ahead of me came back from her doctor’s appointment with the announcement that her baby is a BOY and not a girl after all. Yep, at the end of June she was told it was a girl, but alas, they were wrong. Despite being given the “I’m 98% sure it’s a girl” from a tech who had never been wrong before, apparently that 2% is strong!

Now, it’s just the life of a preggo, knowing that nothing is 100% until you deliver.  You won’t REALLY know if it’s a girl or a boy without amnio or CVS testing, you won’t REALLY know if it’s healthy or has some kind of problem. I think this is my issue. After being so sure of the baby being a boy, and it turning out to appear “Girl”, I wonder, was my Mother’s intuition that wrong?

Granted, the sole reason I thought it was a boy was because we conceived on ovulation day, which according to Doctor Shettles usually accounts for a boy being born (different things make sense why, but if you’re familiar with the method, by all accounts we SHOULD have a boy). Then again, we weren’t trying for anything in particular, we just wanted a baby. Why try to be fancy and “create” the sex we wanted? So before you guys think I based timing of intercourse on this guy’s method, have no fear- I just wanted that fetus.

Although the gal on my preggo forum didn’t seem all that thrilled with my questioning her previous ultrasound, and how it could appear boy, she was quite fond of repeating how happy she was to be having a boy after all. Okay, lady, I get that, but tell me: HOW DID THEY GUESS WRONG? Doesn’t she know my sanity is riding on this? Shoddy machinery? The tech drinking on his lunch break? The baby was totally curled up into a ball and the tech thought the butt was a vagina? Yes, a LARGE vagina? Listen, I just want to know what your tech did wrong to make such an error.

We have a lot riding on this baby being a girl- we have clothes and a name and a PLAN. We’ve been referring to her by name, or “Mommy’s little girl” (alternately, “Daddy’s baby girl”), and well… it would be sad for Paul’s mom who wanted a granddaughter so badly. It’s not even about the baby being one or the other- it’s just about being told you have a little boy or girl in there, and finding out it’s something completely different.

Until we can find out at the next ultrasound, I guess we’re just going to have to keep thinking it’s a girl!

Seriously- I know I’m paranoid.

So I’m sitting here watching the 16 and Pregnant Life After Labor special, and honestly, I’m still really annoyed by all the moms except Catelynn. They sit there and giggle about their episode, their boyfriends make stupid comments all while sitting there muttering incoherently.

None of the ladies or gentlemen act embarrassed by their episodes, and in a lot of their reactions you see they’re kind of proud? Most of them are definitely defensive towards the viewers viewpoints of their parents and significant others, like Farrah defendiing her mom about the “smack heard round the world”. The girl in the first episode, Maci (she of the dipshit “fiance” who mentally and emotioonally checked out on her) announced that he’s definitely starting to own up a bit, and when asked about how he acted, Ryan took a bit to answer, so MACI answered for him. Dr. Drew kept telling her to stop rescuing him, which she denied doing. It was painful. I must say, Maci is definitely a little more mature than the other girls (as per usual, not including Catelynn in this), as evidenced by her struggle to talk over Ryan- because she knows he’ll end up hanging himself by saying something incredibly stupid.

It was good to see Ebony is still with her baby’s father, now they’re married. It is a little disconcerting to see that it’s kind of status quo with them- he’s still “planning on going into the air force” or whatever armed forces they were planning on, but Ebony has had to put her goal of doing the same off again. In fact, she’s going to be staying at home and doing the college credit thing with the baby while he’s gone.

Then, watching Whitney and Weston, and their situation. Weston, while a very very supportive s/o of Whitney, made you not HATE him as much as the other idiots on the show, but you shake your head because of what they got themselves into.  It’s also incredibly sad that their baby has medical issues, something I didn’t write down, but means that his life will be severly inhibited. It’s a hereditary disease that affects his liver, which means no sports, no partaking in smoking or drinking or any of those silly things you find yourself doing with your friends. Their story is sad, but ultimately doesn’t leave you wondering why the hell they’re still together.

Let’s get to Amber now. Amber who was with that guy who bought her a $21.40 engagement ring from Walmart. When he bought himself a $480.00 playstation. When the guy was on this episode and asked about that whole issue, he started saying that he should have thought about the finances more. When Dr. Drew questioned that further, Amber interrupted saying, “Well, it’s  not the money that matters…” Yeah, I guess not, but ugh. Save the money and buy a CRIB! Then Drew asked how they managed to get pregnant, and Amber said the boyfriend didn’t want to use condoms because he lost feeling. Boyfriend said something along the lines of, “Well, I didn’t say thaaaat…” Drew asked, “So you gave up your childhood so he could have enjoy sex better?” Amber took part of the blame, saying she could have said no. Ahhhh. Teen love.

Catelynn and Tyler. Have I mentioned how much I love these kids? They still show so much maturity and so much strength that you can’t wait for them to grow up and have children they get to KEEP. They have such level heads on their shoulders, making observations about how being a teen parent means you choose to give up everything. They gave up so much by giving up the baby. Again, they both teared up, as did I. Tyler breaks my heart. When asked about her mother, Catelynn said she’s been a little more understanding, especially since she misses Catelynn. Why would she miss Catelynn? Well, she’s living at Tyler’s house now. Why, Dr. Drew asks. Because the house is full of alcoholics and drugs. Poor kid. Honestly, they are the most adult kids I have ever seen.

Paul and I have talked about getting tattoos to commemorate Piper Jane’s birth. Honestly, I think Paul wants a reason to get another one (he wants a tribal turtle as seen in Hawaii), but I don’t think that’s in honor of PJ! When I said, “What’s the relevance to the baby?” He said there was none. Well, I figured.  He asked what I thought he was going to get, and I mentioned those little footprint/handprint ones with the baby’s name or birthdate below it. Then, silly me, he said he’d get one of those, too.

Of course.

Now, as you saw, I already have a tattoo, a small ladybug on my lower back/hip. I got it twelve years ago and haven’t ever had a regret. Before you get any ideas, Paul and I are not tattooed people. We each have ONE. His is special, a family tattoo (a small Felix the cat head). mine is also smallish. So we’re definitely not the type to go and tattoo meaningless things on our bodies.  I would never get “Paul” permanently inscribed on my body, nor would he have “Amber” anywhere on his.

Perhaps it’s just me trying to rationalize, but I think getting a tattoo in honor of your child is sweet. We’re not planning on a parcel of children, nor are we planning on getting “Piper Jane: Born on November 23rd, 2009″ inscribed beneath a large tattoo. Well, I’M not. No, I’m thinking more along the lines of a small tattoo, perhaps a cutesy owl (not realistic like my ladybug tattoo is), with either “P.J.” or 11.23.09 or even 11.23 below it. Maybe not even with the letters. Perhaps I could get “Piper” somehow inscribed INSIDE the tattoo. I don’t know.

I searched online for “Owl Tattoos” to see what I could find out there. Owls are one of my favorite things (don’t know why). We plan her nursery to be with owls and foresty things, so perhaps I’m thinking of her and owls together. What I found online was a blog called Owl Tattoos. Boy there are some cute ones. I even found one that was an owl with “PIPER” on a banner below it. It’s a SIGN!

If I get it, I’d get it above or below my ladybug. As I said to my friend Bluebell, might as well defile the entire side, eh?

What are your opinions on commemorative tattoos?

Howdy ladies and ladies!

Today is the weekly baby roundup, complete with pictures. It seems I get lazier when it comes to taking pictures.

How far along? 22 weeks and four days
Total weight gain/loss: Nothing as of a few weeks ago
Maternity clothes? Yessir
Stretch marks? Just the same ones from before
Sleep: Good barring one incident Monday night- heartburn for days.
Best moment this week: The date for my baby shower was set!
Movement: Constantly. Apparently she’s a fan of KROQ!
Food cravings: Slurpees and Krispy Kreme. Fruit, too.
Gender: A tiny little girl with fists of steel.
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? Still an innie
What I miss: Opening doors and not having it hit me in the stomach first
What I am looking forward to: Finally registering (Sunday?) and the next appointment.
Weekly Wisdom/ Snide Comments: “How far along are you? 22 weeks?! Wow, you’re going to be HUUUUUGE!”
Milestones: Can’t really think of any!

Now for the pics:

Believe it or not, this shirt fit when I bought it last year in Kauai.

The bare belly complete with stretch marks and a blurry tattoo.

This is the same view of the last photo, but farther away.

Look at that belly!

In the last few days I’ve been getting comments like, “Are you really only halfway done? That baby is going to be HUGE.” Yesterday I was walking to get lunch and I noticed my reflection in the window as the wind was blowing my dress against me- my belly is there now. Sucking in only succeeds in the top part of my belly (the area on top of the ribs) getting slimmer. So I guess it’s official- I’ve popped.

I’m pretty sure I have an explorer inside me, claiming my uterus and in relation, her amniotic sac- for America. I’d say I was starting to get used to the popping/thumping feeling inside, but I’m not. When she thumps at me while I relaxing on the couch, I put my hand there and grin. Sometimes I feel it from the outside, sometimes I don’t. I admit it- sometimes I push back and seemingly piss her off, so she scuttles off to the other side of the uterus (you know, since it’s so roomy in there).

Today I noticed something new. Usually I don’t feel like I have to pee until I stand up, in which case it becomes an urge. This morning, I was leaning back in my office chair, and I felt a quick need to pee. Almost painful, definitely not fun. Then I felt her kick my uterus and almost immediately after that, I felt another quick need to pee. This girl is kicking my bladder!

I’m 22 weeks now, 18 to go. We haven’t done anything in the nursery (does buying clothes count?), nor have we done anything other than marvel over our baby to be trying to bust out of her bony/flabby/muscular (definitely less muscular and more flab) prison.

We definitely need to paint the room- any ideas on a good paint company? Do we use eggshell or satin? Low VOC? What is a “VOC”? It’s all so overwhelming. Maybe I’ll just go buy some baby Crocs before they remove them completely- did you hear that rumor they are going to shut down? I dare anyone tell me crocs look stupid on a toddler. I DARE YOU!

**SPOILER ALERT!**

Last night, although I vowed I wouldn’t watch anymore episodes, I watched the season finale of 16 and Pregnant. Why? Well, this episode sounded like it would be different from the previous episodes for at least one reason- the couple decided to give the baby up for adoption.

When I wrote up my opinion of the show a few weeks ago, I felt all the girls/couples were ignorant and selfish, getting themselves into trouble because putting a condom on was such a task. I’m not going to change my opinion of the previous girls, if anything I may look upon them harsher than before. Why? Well, the girl in last night’s epis0de- Catelynn- made me cry. Her boyfriend made me cry. Their parents made me angry. VERY ANGRY.

Catelynn and her boyfriend since 7th grade (they are juniors in high school now) found out she was pregnant. Instead of following the path of previous episodes, they decided to do te responsible thing (gasp! Responsible?! On MTV?) and look into putting their baby up for adoption. Unlike Farrah’s case from before, despite how much Catelynn and Tyler wanted this baby, they knew it would be best for everyone if they gave her up. With both Catelynn’s mom and Tyler’s dad Butch (who are married. Seriously. They married after Tyler and Catelynn got together lo those many years ago), wanting them to keep the baby girl, these poor kids are literally all alone in this struggle between their head and their hearts.

The parents of these kids make me sick. Talking a 16 year old girl into keeping her daughter because “she’d be a good mom”. Butch, who spent most of Tyler’s life in PRISON, said keeping the baby would be MANNING UP. Sooooo, Tyler isn’t a MAN because he wants his daughter to have a loving family, a good education, and a STABLE HOME LIFE??!! Butch told Tyler that all babies need is love. My boy Tyler chose this moment to man up (ha) and reply, “Babies don’t just need LOVE! How would you EVEN KNOW? You made a stupid mistake and WENT TO PRISON for my childhood! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?”

As the episode continues, we see Catelynn’s mom leaving stuffed animals and a bassinet in Catelynn’s room, trying to tempt her into keeping this baby. When Catelynn and Tyler meet the parents they chose to get the baby, Catelynn’s mom throws a fit, yelling at Catelynn because she didn’t even tell her she was going, despite the fact that she DID. The adoptive parents met at church, the mom-to-be works at a private Christian school, and the dad does something I can’t remember- although equally responsible. Tyler and Catelynn are set- this is the couple who will take their daughter and give her the life they couldn’t.

The episode is filled with Tyler wiping the tears from his eyes- when reading the letter he wrote his daughter, when comforting Catelynn when debating whether or not to hold the baby after the birth, when the baby is finally born, and the doctor leaves her in the room with them (this was incredibly hard to watch, he kept saying, “Why is she still here?! Please, take her away!”). When the baby is born, and Catelynn is sitting on the bed, Tyler is leaning over her, cradling her in his arms and saying, “We can do this. We have to do this. Be strong, this is the best thing for her.” over and over and over. It’s truly heartbreaking to see thesee kids who just months before, never thought they’d have to be in the position of giving up their baby.

This time, unlike the previous episodes, I feel for the couple. They are smart, and realize bringing a baby into their situation is the worst possible thing they could do. They put aside all their wants and think of the baby first. How hard must that have been? A sixteen year old choosing to let go, rather than be selfish and keep the cycle going.

The adoptive parents recognize this selflessness, and bring a gift for Catelynn in the hospital- a charm bracelet with a heart that says, “Always in my heart”. Catelynn has one, the adoptive mother has one, and they have one for the baby, named Carolyn by the new parents . They promise to never take the bracelets off, and hug. As the episode comes to a close, we find out that because Catelynn is underaged, she needs her mom’s signature to sign the baby over while still on hospital grounds. Catelynn’s selfish whore of a mother denies this, so Catelynn and Tyler have to leave the hospital with the baby, and hand Carolyn over to the new parents off-site. As they kiss her goodbye, Tyler holds on to her blankets, rolled inside his fist. They watch the new parents load her into their car then drive away. Tyler says, “I kept her blanket”. Catelynn laughs through her tears and says, “You did? That’s good.”

MTV really got the tears flowing with this one. When Catelynn is ending her episode she says, “I know that Tyler and I are going to grow up and go to college and hopefully have some kids when we get married”. If it wasn’t for what we had just witnessed her going through, she sounds like every other teenager with a boyfriend. Honestly, I think this couple has a chance of making it, we already know they have a level head and strong hearts, right?